Log in

13 October 2008 @ 08:43 pm
Fanfiction: The Ode (DBSK, Gen)  
Title: The Ode
Fandom: DBSK
Rating: G
Genre: Gen, slight pathos
Pairings: OT5 if you squint hard
Warnings: broken!dbsk
Word Count: 1050
Summary: Thus were they born, thus did they conquer, and so did they end. A hypothetical look at what-could-have-been and what-might-be.
A/N: I think writing this helped me stave off some of the “yikes they’re going to break up soon!” blues that have been haunting me more and more as their fifth anniversary looms. Be warned that I have an unhealthy love for metaphors and run-on-sentences, and no beta.
x-posted to wanderingreen  and hug______  

This is how it begins:

Awkward smiles, a tentative bow, shy advances, lonely nights. The glaring lights, and ear-shattering screams, accompanied by envious, insidious whispers, make the five of you huddle together closely. You are DongBangShinKi and too timid to say your name with pride, too afraid of the whispers and too daunted by the implications. You are blustering, perfectionist Jung Yunho, cocky, reserved Kim Junsu, shy, strange Kim JaeJoong, melancholy, foreign Park Yoochun and quiet, cautious Shim Changmin.

The smell of cigarette smoke hangs over your dorm. Only Changmin and Junsu wrinkle their noses at the smell, but it is not their place to protest. The chemical scent of hairspray follows you back from work, and the two mingle such that your days are spent in stifling smog. Somehow, you have to be the Gods of the East. Your name almost eclipses you now, but your fans keep on growing, your records keep on selling. Within a year, you find yourself standing tall on the coveted stage, clutching at medals and congratulatory bouquets as tears streak your face. This is the beginning of your fame.

(even now you are divided.)

This is how the pinnacle is reached:

You return home humbled, unsure. Feeling as though this place is foreign; the screams are undeserving and the constant camera flashes, excessive. The feeling dissipates in days and you grow accustomed to trading easy jokes in the language you have heard (almost) all your life.

If Junsu stutters one time too many, if JaeJoong and Yunho lapse more frequently into their hometown accents, and Yoochun uses English more and more to fill the gaps in conversation, no one takes notice. Changmin finds himself dusting off his highschool language textbooks and putting away his Japanese drama CDs. He has a reputation to keep.

When the album shoots to popularity, everyone else is unsurprised. You are afraid instead; shocked at the instantaneous rise, worried it will be fleeting. Japan has taught you that popularity comes at an excruciating slow, sluggish pace, with every inch paid for in sweat, tears and sleepless nights. You have forgotten how rapid things are in Korea.

You have forgotten too that the price is far greater in Korea.

But you are home and it shows. You dance harder and sing louder. You scream your lungs out and exhaust yourself to the bone. You have to be worthy.

And even as the adulation grows, you bow ever lower. Humility is the most bitter of all the lessons you learned in Japan, and the one most deeply etched into your souls.

Humility is what takes you far. Your unfeigned sincerity is what makes you stand out, makes the producers agree to guest appearances, and your peers free in their compliments to you.

Ultimately, it is not your voices or the hard hours of practice, but the moments of affection shared between, which filter through the too-loud backtracks, careless missteps and blind fierce adoration, that almost (but not-quite) render you mediocre.

The love borne out of loneliness that binds you so harshly together is what appeals, what draws them all near like love-starved hummingbirds to nectar. Even the skeptics, even the cynics, cannot deny you are genuine. You are the real thing, if only for a while.

Even you know this is fleeting though.

But all of that is forgotten as they call your name, and sheer unadulterated jubilation thrums through your veins. Gathering in a hug on stage, uncaring of the public eyes upon you in that unguarded moment, you are truly one. You are the Gods of the East and you have conquered even home.

This is how it ends:

Awkward hugs, tentative promises, bittersweet smiles and a lingering loneliness gnawing away. Your fame has not faded, but years of solo activities interspersed with sporadic group releases have worn thin the bonds once claiming your souls. Your voices still meld, but your hearts are rarely in harmony. And so, with a press conference and distant hugs, you all agree to step into the world alone.

Once (long ago now) JaeJoong wondered out loud how he would live without you. Today he already knows the pain of separation. This farewell is merely a coda to your parting and JaeJoong has no tears for nostalgia.

Yunho has long given up his stewardship of your lives. Even the news of Yoochun’s marital affair, told to him over drinks buys only the slightest rueful quirk from him.

Changmin is tall, distant and stoic. He alone had foreknowledge of this. History after all, always repeats itself. And so he forgets the impassioned promises of his adolescent self and prepares to be alone.

Junsu, strangely perhaps, is the most inconsolable of them all. He has flown the furthest from the coop, succeeded the most already. And yet, to those who (still) know him, Junsu’s sensitivity and loyalty are most well-known.

Yoochun is composed outwardly. His tears are not the ones making their public entrance. He is too far gone for that now. Too closed off inwardly.

The Coda:

Once more, you are Jung Yunho, Kim Junsu, Kim JaeJoong, Park Yoochun and Shim Changmin.

You leave, even with haunting memories dogging your every step; ignoring the crying hysteric fanatics, the silent disapproval of your management and the shock radiating from your peers. No one thought a band that laughed played cried loved sang breathed together the way you did would ever break apart, voluntarily.

But time had the last laugh. And you remember all too well the stifling silence, growing isolation and the quietly festering animosity. So you keep moving away, placing each foot in front of the other in its turn, against the will of your breaking heart.

You don’t cry though, because you listen, and a smile tugs at your lips as you do. You can hear four other hearts forcing identical, painful steps towards separation. It hurts, still, but not so much.

You were five and for a time, you were one. Now you are five again, and yet somehow, you are still one. Time doesn’t force you apart. Oh no. Quite the contrary.

(sometimes the coda is longer and more delightful than the end; it leads to a renewed beginning)

                                            'Those who have become my own soul - JaeJoong, Yoochun, Junsu, Changmin'
                                                                                 ~ Yunho (4th Album Thanks Message)

author’s note: I read a fic using a similar device (the whole five-as-one thing, although really that can be attributed to Alexander Dumas xD) some time ago (I think it was a dbsk fic? So if you’re the author, take this as a tribute? ^^;) and ever since then the idea wouldn’t let go. It kept driving me nuts and writing itself in my head until I scribbled it down in my revision notebook last night. That, and a combination of impending exams and limited access to a computer due to Apple and their faulty laptop chargers, is actually the one thing that can force me to put words on paper. Sad, I know.

Current Location: The Parents' Room
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: None. They don't have a fricking earphone jack wth
su_dreams on October 13th, 2008 01:37 pm (UTC)

add me?


I love the characterization.
wandererwanderingreen on October 14th, 2008 01:11 am (UTC)
^^ thanks for reading. not sure there was much characterization going on though...

erm yeah sure I'll add you, but be warned that I don't exactly post much these days ;x and I don't have the habit of checking my flist I use lj more for the comms than anything...
su_dreams on October 14th, 2008 04:46 am (UTC)

its okay. when college starts next week i wont b able to update much too, but i like looking around~~

♠♥♣♦: Jejung.. ^_^shuttist on October 13th, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)
hey.. dis is really gud.. wish i cud rite like dis... btw, whu's dat in ur icon???
wandererwanderingreen on October 14th, 2008 01:12 am (UTC)
=D thanks. Oh the ones on my icon are JE boys, they're Yamapi and Ryo from NEWS.
Kay Jaykayjayloves on October 13th, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC)
ow ;_; I love it, it's gorgeous, and it hit me in a very real, painful place, you know? D: I can picture this, and ow.

Lovely ♥ Your writing style is gorgeous
wandererwanderingreen on October 14th, 2008 01:08 am (UTC)
awww but I hope the ending made it better >< I couldn't bear to leave them broken.

thanks for reading!
wanderer: I knew i loved you before I met youwanderingreen on October 14th, 2008 04:14 am (UTC)
:x i realized i stalk watch your writing comm *guilty*
Kay Jaykayjayloves on October 14th, 2008 04:25 am (UTC)
*bounces* that's what it's there for =D *is honored*
wandererwanderingreen on October 14th, 2008 05:01 am (UTC)
i shall resolve to comment on everything i've read someday
Kay Jaykayjayloves on October 14th, 2008 01:01 pm (UTC)
lol xD that would be cool! but I'm a celebrated lurker as well, so I understand completely if you don't have the time xD
cousin_ira on October 14th, 2008 04:44 pm (UTC)
I can imagine all this happening. And I hope it will NEVER happen in reality. lol having said that, this was wonderfully done and thanks heaps for sharing with us :)
wandererwanderingreen on November 29th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
^^ thanks for reading!

and yeah...I hope this never ever happens either. Oh at least not in the next 6 years or so.
ikangikangtvxq on September 15th, 2010 08:29 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful... Painful, but beautiful. I hope reality doesn't reach this point, eh? Sigh...
Anyway, good job! ^^